All I Really Need to Know About Dating in DC I Learned From my Facebook Wall

Wednesday I was so inclined to write as my Gchat status (for those of you who don’t use Gmail, Gchat is their version of instant messaging) the following verbiage: Where are all the single, interesting, smart, educated, romantic, funny, kind, polite, caring, men with good jobs, matching values, strong ethics, excellent family relationships, and no baggage? I ask of you. WHERE are they?

I got a few responses from my Gchat friends such as “Amen sister” and “Seriously, I hear ya!” then I took the question I posed to no one in particular (perhaps the universe) and set it as my Facebook status.  I figured that inquiry would illicit a conversation (so Web 2.0) or a few comments, but I wasn’t prepared for the now 60 comments that sprouted and the 11 thumbs up.  60 comments.  People have an opinion on this for sure.

Why did you put that up there anyway? you wonder.  I pondered what exactly drove me to publicly cry out.  Taking my personal romantic (or lack there of) situation out of the equation, this curious epidemic of “young” (20′s, 30′s, early 40′s) single women in DC who have been screaming: WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD GUYS? has been nothing less than graffiti on the wall.  It’s not the elephant in the room. It is being talked about.  A lot.

I’ve been approached by everyone under the sun to write about dating in DC from on the Punch to a book.  I don’t pretend to know anything about relationships or dating with the exception of my own tenured experience, so it’s not fair for me to think that I’m any expert, nor should I give dating advice or even set people up (all though, I’ve been known to do a have a good track record in making successful introductions as of late).  I do not claim to be close to near the halfway mark of perfect. I have my own past, as everyone does.  Please note, when I say “baggage”, I don’t mean not a “past”, but rather “emotional baggage” like anger management issues, an Ernest Hemingway outlook on women, or the world’s record for cheating.

What I do know about dating and relationships is again, only what I can draw from in my life, as well as listen carefully to my friends and their various situations.  My single girlfriends’ ages range from early 20′s to even 50′s.  They are from different ethnic, religious, socioeconomic, geographical, and professional backgrounds.  Some have been married. Some have been engaged. Some have been divorced. Some are serial monogamists. Some date 5-10 guys at once (I exaggerate. A bit.). Some are experiencing the Sahara Desert.  Some are living in a metaphorical Niagara Falls.  Some live in the heart of DC. Some live in the prototypical suburban Wisteria Lane-like world.  Some are jaded. Some could compete with SATC‘s Charlotte for who wears the rosiest colored glasses. Some are just diluted.  Some have boyfriends cheating on them and they turn a blind eye.  Some have men striving to cheat on their significant others with them.  Some haven’t figured out that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again.  Some are content to have a puppy keep them company for now.

What do all of these girls, ladies, women, these fantastic friends of mine have in common?  They are all stumped. It’s the One Trillion Dollar Question.  “Where do we find these men?”  I don’t have the answer.  I think the 60+ people commenting on my Facebook Wall think they do, or maybe not.  Do we live in a vacuum?  Does DC have a man problem?  Does every major market face this same challenge?  I mean, are the guys in NYC, Boston, Miami, and LA all doing the same thing?  I’m not complaining, I’m not crying, I’m not moaning, nor wailing.  I, just like the large number of girlfriends I have, am literally stumped.  I mean, isn’t this after all, the nation’s capital?

Here’s a sampling of some of the comments on my Wall in response.  I’ll share with you the colorful range:

They are around but they are not interested in settling down until they are 50. Career is the most important thing to them. Otherwise, try the midwest.

I had to move to San Diego, meet one and convince him to move here

Do they even exist? Lol!

Us men could ask the same thing about you women - But seriously, you are looking for the “perfect” person, when you should be looking for the person who is “perfect” for you. If you hold out for the former, you will be sadly disappointed.

Married or single by choice. If you are willing to give on family relationships or baggage (only carry-on size. No steamer trunks), you may have better luck. Catch a midwesterner or southerner when he gets to DC before he is jaded

I found one…so can you.  It happened when I stopped attending social events where people take themselves too seriously.

You just described my husband… I will tell you that men meeting your description are typically not into partying and hanging out at trendy places with trendy people. That part of my life is gone. In exchange for somebody who loves me unconditionally and wholeheartedly.