The Case for Self-Improvement

Remember that Sex and the City episode where Carrie walks into her apartment and as she filters through her mail stack, she discovers an envelope “addressed” to “Single?”?  In the next scene at the cafe, she’s with her three cohorts doing a “show and tell” with the junk mail piece.  They are all indignant that they’ve been classified, addressed, and found out about, via USPS.

Times have changed since the ’90′s and thanks to the ubiquitous world wide web, we now receive (pummeled daily) these types of “Single?/Lonely?/Depressed?/Terrible credit?/Lacking in body part length?” invitations winking at us online.  They sneak into our Inbox, they fill up our SPAM folder, they flash at us from every angle when we log into any website.  These splashy graphics and thought provoking words are in actuality our “digital conscience”.   Advertisers and marketers know that deep down, we have a self-conscious feeling, gnawing at us, tickling our brains despite our outside confidence which we present to the rest of the world.  We know. We need. To. Improve. A. Lot.

Whether it’s our credit score, our education, our chin, our teeth color, our skin, our hair, our physical strength, our memory.  We could all use some improving.  Now the latest is the “Got Belly Fat?/You Must Obey These Rules/Get Rid of Your Fat Stomach!” craze.  I can’t read look at my screen without a headless body in a sports bra and leggings baring her barrel-like midriff at me screaming: “Look at how skinny I was everywhere except my belly! Now look at me!  My stomach went from a wine barrel to a six pack! You can do this too, you fat stomach owner! Do it now!”

While the rather grotesque images have become background noise on my screen only because the countless tummies were all starting to literally mush together, I started thinking about the whole fad.  Could it be true? Could there be such a thing as a way to get rid of only your stomach fat?  Was the Acai berry the answer? What would Oprah do? I pondered as I popped in another handful of Auntie Annie’s bunny cheese crackers.

Just as I was about to forget about belly fat and progress forward in my day, I heard the whisk of paper being slid under my apartment door.  This is not uncommon.  I get plenty of coupons and notices for maid services, moving companies, pizza specials, local take out and delivery menus and today, as I stooped over to pick up the three sheets, I also received a manila 5 x 7 with bold black lettering yelling: Burning Belly Fat FREE Seminar, “Having difficulty losing weight even with exercise?”  I literally almost choked on my cheese bunnies.  This is what my life has come to? I thought.

The best part of this advertisement was the drawings of four figures, three women and one very sad looking man.  They reminded me of an “illustrator’s guide to drawing the human body naked” book I once had when I was going through an “I’m going to be an artist and move to a studio in NYC” phase.  The figures were embarrassing and atrocious, yet I was fascinated with them.  After careful studying, I considered which body was mine. I kind of thought I more represented the sad lonely man’s body.

I learned that according to this advertisement, there are only 4 types of bodies.  I read the phone number to contact (registration had limited seating and I had to call for times and location, natch) in order to be the first in line to lose this awful obnoxious extra poundage. Did I pitch this junk mail? No, funny you should ask. It’s sitting right next to Mr. MacBook, staring at me daily.

So what of this mecca of self-improvement we are subjected to on a daily basis?  Is it simply a way for industries to capitalize on their prey, make money, laugh, run all the way to the bank as we are left with whiter teeth, knowing our credit score, an online advanced education and a slimmer tummy?  Once we have all of these, then and only then will we feel complete?  I suppose, at least until we are enticed into improving our earlobes – Got strange looking earlobes? You aren’t the only one! Rub this ointment on at night for three weeks and people will stop laughing at you behind your back! Save yourself now!

I recently just finished Julie & Julia by Julie Powell and completed local author Cathy Alter‘s hilarious Up for Renewal.  Both are true stories, told in the first person about the authors’ own self improvement processes over the course of a year, which were spawned by each reaching a status of: Something’s gotta give or change.

In Julie & Julia, author Julie Powell, a former Texan who was married to her high school sweetheart, was about to turn 30, living in New York City, stuck in a dead end job and was truly feeling uninspired and unhappy with her life.  There was nothing significantly wrong. She had a solid job, a loving and supportive husband, a great family, a roof over her head and wonderful caring genuine friends.  She even had a strong relationship with her family (most interesting was the mother/daughter relationship).  Julie just had reached that point of “I know I can do something to get me out of this boring rut.” She felt she needed to challenge herself and take herself out of her comfort zone, but also be in charge.  As we know, she decided to take on every recipe of Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking Vol. 1 within one entire year.  As we know, she also kept a blog, which turned into a book deal (and tons of media) and thus a major motion picture starring Amy Adams and Meryl Streep.  Forget about all that for a second if you can.  The point is, she accomplished her goal in the end. She reached her dream.  The year brought her to her knees (and those around her), but she did it. The challenge may have been a bit wacky and self inflicted, but through the trials and tribulations, Julie gained a new lease on life.

On the other hand, author Cathy Alter, a bit older than Julie, had been married, divorced, was residing in Washington, DC, and was making decidedly poor choices in her diet (you wouldn’t find a Julia Child recipe in vending machines), her men (a bad boy at work who treated her like an object standing in line to please him), and her finances (stacks of unpaid bills were not uncommon).  Cathy had a decent job at a company writing marketing material, as well as freelance writing which got her great magazine bylines.  She had a good apartment in the city and she even had a solid relationship with her family (albeit tenuous with her mother).  She was surrounded by a support group of friends as well as her therapist.

Cathy decided at her breaking point that she would do an experiment with the wild world of women’s magazines for an entire year.  By dedicating each month to some virtue of self-improvement (hair, skin, makeup, relationships, exercise, fashion, cooking, sex, etc) she’d be hopefully a new and improved woman by the end of her year long investment in time and money.  In the end (SPOILER ALERT!) she learned some surface lessons and even “got the guy”, but most of all, her year brought her to a new and better understanding of herself, life, relationships, change, and personal growth through experience, hardship and pain.  As the author shares with us: “To truly grow is to suffer these transitions-getting out of a damaging relationship or a rotten job, enduring the illness of a loved one, etc. Because without knowing pain and vulnerability, how do we express gratitude and appreciation? Looking back, I realized that I subscribed to these magazines because I was also subscribing to change.”

Those two sentences resonated with me. Perhaps it was because I am more in the same category for a variety of reasons as the latter author.  After my Miraval Resort Challenge and reading these two books (and this being my XX birthday), I have suddenly felt compelled to hop on the year long self-improvement train.  I knew I had been nearing the “Something’s gotta give or change” sector of my life when I chose to not do the Annual Summer Birthday Bash, the first time in 7 years.  Rather, it was more important to me this year to focus my attention on my close relationships with family and friends through intimate dinners and experiences.  I am so grateful to have such genuine meaningful connections in my life.  These people are blessings.  With that said, I too am ready and open to make major improvements.

So, I’m declaring this year the year I work on my own health and wealth.  I’ve already got some things in place, like a physical scheduled for this month.  And while I won’t be posting about every little boring snippet on this journey (I’ll keep a private journal) there will be bits and pieces of accomplishments which I will be happy to share with you.  Who knows … perhaps this private journal will end up its own little inspiration to another someday. Now that’s a novel idea …